Two days ago I was asked by the Rubicon Project (an advertising network that I used…) to place a terms of service (TOS) on this blog stating that I will not promote adult stuff. Basically they don’t want me peddling porn. LOL, this is a blog about raising my daughter… Well, I created a TOS that was about as solid as any other TOS that you see on the net, which is to say it has no real enforceable value and makes some ridiculous assertions. And of course I had to do it in my usual smart assed manner, which I pushed into absurdity and apparently Rubicon didn’t see the point or my humor. Soo…

They stopped serving ads to this site, and probably would stop serving to BrainDonkey.com as well eventually. Ooooh Im gonna really miss the 37 cents a month… LOL. Frankly it matters nothing to me, since I was just using them as a placeholder until I get the time to write my own ad server which is in the 6 month plan and will provide actual targeted product ads to readers on my blogs and my affiliate sales network. Also the fact that they kept feeding adultfriendfinder ads when I first started using them makes this whole thing a tad ironic.

They did offer me the opportunity to change my TOS to a “more serious” one, so I can “prove that I am taking them seriously”. I was originally going to, but… Um, no. Rubicon Project is just one of many ad networks, any of whom would love my business (which is not just these two sites btw) since they don’t want it. And that is not even to count the hundreds of shopping sites that have affiliate programs I can promote independently from any ad network.

The TOS that made Rubicon get all bent was this:

Because some of my affiliate programs seem to just read the URL without actually looking at the site for even 5 seconds, I have to put a terms of service notice on here. Otherwise they seem to think it is a porn site. Are there no sites on the intertubes with a girl’s name in the URL that are not porn?

TERMS OF SERVICE (because after all a baby blog needs it…):
This site will not host or support any adult material, such as porn. But it will talk about poop, if related to raising a baby. It will talk about urine, if related to raising a baby. It will talk about vagina, if related to raising a baby. It will talk about breasts, if related to raising a child (i changed it up on ya). It will talk about sex, if related to raising a child. It will talk about everything and anything, if related to raising a child. It will talk about drugs, if related to raising a child. It will use foul language on occasion. It will not be homogenized and pasteurized. It will speak opinions, and you can either agree or disagree. It will tell stories that you may not like to hear, so either complain or move on. I may make you mad, so tell me. I may make you laugh, good.

THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT BABY and CHILD STUFF.

I understand rules are rules, but come on. There should be no absolutes in anything, and a little human intelligence and judgment should always be allowed (and encouraged within a company).

If you are an affiliate program or ad network, don’t be google-adsense. We already have them as the internet Gestapo with no flexibility of thought, we don’t need another.

Oh, and I reserve the right to change this TOS without any warning or notification at any time. Just like every other TOS you will encounter on the internet, and you aren’t even accepting this one with a form or anything. So, here comes the best line of all…

By reading any part of this TOS, you accept it as a binding contract. By loading this page, you accept the TOS you accept it as a binding contract. By accepting this TOS, which you did by just viewing or loading this page, you must now send Ashley 5 dollars by clicking the college fund link. If you do not send Ashley 5 dollars after accepting the TOS, you will be considered in breach of contract, and I will perform a “nanny nanny poo poo” in your direction. The 5 dollars does not earn you any rights, except the right to feel good about building a young girl’s college tuition fund.

note: I am a smart ass and although I would appreciate 5 bucks towards Ashley’s future, I am joking. Just in case your one of those people that thinks Mr. Umbooboo in Somalia actually is going to give you $40 million for a your $500.

Yes it’s true, I probably went a bit far, but the point is still valid. Almost every single TOS online has the phrase “May be changed at any time without notice.” Which means, whatever you agree to today, has no validity beyond the instant you read it, if you even did. That’s why i don’t ever read TOSs, because they mean nothing. A service you use can decide to deny you access because your name is Ashley if they want to, even though it did not say that in the TOS. As long as they reserve the right to change it at any time. Even if they don’t, the argument is that the TOS is only valid at the time of use, so when you come back tomorrow, and new TOS is in-force, it doesn’t matter if the had the right to change it or not.

To be fair, even though I don’t have to be, I can guess that the commandment actually came from one of the ad networks that they feed from. Probably google adsense if I had to place a bet on it. Rubicon has to keep the status quo with their providers, of course. But no root level provider that I know of requires a TOS on a blog. So because of the middle-man that Rubicon is, the upstream provider needs a way to enforce its own TOS upon the publishing site, like this blog. At least thats my guess. And of course, if Rubicon doesn’t agree to require a TOS on its publisher sites, then they run the risk of losing that ad provider. I would do the same thing in their shoes. But of course it’s all moot, since I would never create a TOS that I couldn’t change, and neither would they or any of their upstream providers.

The TOS is now gone, as it Rubicon, and life is back to normal. And I guess no one likes having pointlessness pointed out to them.

So here is my new TOS and it will NEVER change (unless I decide to change it of course, without notice).

TOS:
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CrossPosted to BrainDonkey.com